please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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