Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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