WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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