hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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