I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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