the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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