I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
