There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
