Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All the doctor said was why
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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