please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
