Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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