I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
