turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
