1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
