so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
