I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
