A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
