Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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