Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize