Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
