like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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