I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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