You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
