I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
