nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
