if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
