It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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