It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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