Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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