Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
