Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
