So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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