y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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