We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
