I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
