Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
