You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize