I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
