Don't you send me to vm
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
