And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
