This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
