it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
organizing the empties. That sober.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
