I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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