She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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