I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
