The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
