Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize