and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
