Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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