I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
