He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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