24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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