just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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