I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We are all done wearing pants today
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
