After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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