Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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