How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
