She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
