Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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