Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize