Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
