So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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