he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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