Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize