Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
