you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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