I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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