I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
