This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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