oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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