so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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