it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
