you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
