yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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