Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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