I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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