That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
