would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
