I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
