What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
