she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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