So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
3 2 1 whiskey
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
