I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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