also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love accidental penises.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
did you just send me my own nude
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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