oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
