just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
