I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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