wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
