pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
