the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize