is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
