The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
