dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
