So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
