see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
