She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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