mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
