I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
