could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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