you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
