Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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