I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
