he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
