I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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