Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fill condoms, not promises.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
