I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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